I was hugely amused recently to see the massive array of baby and toddler cookbooks on the shelves in a local bookshop. So many! So many books on when to wean a baby onto solids and how and why and with what.... what a puzzle, what a challenge, what a dilemma these books seem to suggest it is to
wean ones infant.
A really long time ago...mmmm I think pre-children even, I vividly remember watching a TV program that followed the births of various millennium born babies and their subsequent childhoods. This particular programme featured first foods and the weaning 'process' and the problems the parents were having with feeding their offspring. One Mama had twins and was at her wits end, her toddlers hardly ate a thing she claimed, and it was driving her mad with worry. The film showed two tiny boys in high chairs the mother setting the food down in front of them and then sitting, watching expectantly. The boys in turn looked back towards the mother looking for some cue. She motions to them to eat, gives them spoons, tries to feed them herself even. Sure enough they do everything but actually eat the food - throw it, play with it, mush it, cry.... I remember sitting dumbfounded then saying;
But she isn't eating herself! Why is she not eating with them? How can they possibly know what to do unless they see it?
Sitting at home without children (oh yes, we are the best parenting critics when we don't have children - true?) it was pretty obvious that these kids needed to have family meals, to have adults sitting, laughing, eating talking around them. No focus specifically on their eating or not eating, just food there if they want it. Free to observe other people at meal times, free to experiment with spoons and forks and fingers and food. Watching that some food is scooped, torn, mashed, or eaten with fingers, or whole..... fully able to imitate physically what they were seeing firsthand.
I vowed mentally that when my own children arrived I would put this idea of a true shared meal into practice.
Then promptly switched off the TV and forgot all about it.
Fast forward a few years and I did see that the power of imitation is spectacularly highlighted at mealtimes without really remembering or considering that TV film. I did not buy weaning books and nor have I ever mashed up 'baby food' nor bought a single jar, no baby weaning spoons or specially shaped suction dishes, nor even consciously considered the idea of weaning any of my babies onto to solid food. I don't say this zealously you understand, or religiously or from any particular stand on food or parenting philosophy - only that I wanted instinctively for my children to have healthier eating habits than my own and for them to follow their appetites and own instinct on food. It happened without any effort on my part other than the desire to have them near me physically. What ended up happening in our house was this: my babies breastfeed; on my lap, in bed, in the bath with me, in one of my slings..... Because they are in one of my many slings (yes I have discussed this tendency for having one or two too many slings:) ) nearly for the entire day unless I am changing a nappy or unless someone else is happy to hold them, it was a natural and easy continuation of this in-arms state of being to have them on my knee whilst I ate (one handed I admit, rather fun and often requiring cool ways of holding a baby so that both hands can be free momentarily to chop food or else involving a second person ). From this vantage point they had their first peeks of our plates and food and table and conversation. Later little hands would peep out to touch and explore. Later still I might offer a piece of something for them to hold and suck on. When my first son was about one year old we bought a
Trip Trapp chair for him to sit right up at the table with us, this was about the time when he showed interest in eating foods. Not that much, a bite or two a couple of times a week at first, something from what we were already eating (if your family meals are healthful wholefoods then it seems logical!). My second son did not get interested AT ALL in putting ANY food into his mouth until he was 18 months old. He was entirely breastfed until then, and very chubby. Both boys breastfed for 4-5 years. At night on days when they were too busy being toddlers to eat much they would happily fill up on my breast milk lying by my side in our big bed at night. So when exactly did weaning happen? Which month? Day? What sorts of foods in what combinations and when and how? Well.... I'd be hard pushed to say really. It didn't happen like that, it was just this very very gradual thing where none of us noticed so much until one day you look at your three year old and see them with a fork twirling spaghetti and wonder when they learned the art of cutlery use! Now that I have no recollection of! We had kids sized knives and forks out and sometimes they were used and sometimes not! Who knows. The thing is though they
did use them and they did learn the skills without me once opening my mouth to say one word about it. In the same way they sat from birth on my knee and watched me eat so did they then know what to do with the foods when they could help themselves.
So easy. So so easy. Which is why I am amazed and amused when I see so many books telling parents how to teach their kids to do these oh so very complicated and tricky things. Like eat food to satisfy hunger. It really can be so very easy when there is no one telling you how to do it or when :)
