joy and a bit of sad (but mostly joy)

Christmas Eve was the usual high fevered excitement. But quiet and anticipation reigned when I read the usual 'Night before Christmas'. It didn't seem time for a DVD or anything like that, so we played Cluedo, it was the one night in the year when they all were desperate to go to bed early. Super early. I had to stop Felix going to get his PJ's on at 4pm. He managed to wait until about 6. Lucky it's dark here so early (ha, that will be the only one time in the year that I ever say that too).





Esmé woke at 5am. We were all up so so early. It was hours before it was even daylight. They hacked away into the chocolate brioche and ate ALL of their stocking chocolate before 8am. Wow.



Felix's joy was unbound when he saw his gift this year; a Syrian hamster. 'Neville', 9 weeks old. Only Neville seemed a little shaky on his stalky little legs. By evening he was dead. Bloody hell. It might have been the cold weather in the North Pole or something...... I don't think Father Christmas will ever ever be bringing live animals again. So the fun happy day ended in tears. And by the end of the week I will be hamster shopping (again). My mum reminded me that the one I was given when I was 8 lasted but a week. Apparently he was squeezed a bit too hard and his inner body ended up being his outer body. I have no recollection of ever squeezing a hamster (for the record). But there you go, they are fragile creatures. I will pick a hardier breed, is there one? Poor poor Felix though, we had his burial today. And he now joins our gigantic garden pet cemetery. I really wish we had marked more graves, it's awfully anxious, digging new ones.



Esmé loves her new doll, and mini indoor trampoline, I am hoping she can bounce off lots of winter energy.



The hyacinth bloomed this morning, a good omen, after the bad luck of last night.



And I relented. After over ten years TV free we now have one. Apparently it was necessary for the computer-y games thing Isaac finally received. He has hankered for *something* games/computer like for a big while. It has taken me a long time getting my head around audio-visual 'equipment' in the home. They distract me and make me feel weird. I am pretty alone in that tho. Now. So I am getting used to it.



We turned our 'study' (ha! read: dumping room) into a games room, and moved all of my books and shelves into the sitting room instead. So at least it's all in there and there's respite elsewhere. I have hankered for a while for a space that was more adult or something than everywhere else in the house, in which every nook cranny and surface is covered with toys, books and children's bits. It's a decent compromise.

I think when you are with your children constantly, as is the case when you home educate, you end up (after ten years anyway) needing just a little space to be slightly more alone, seeming. Or at least not crammed up all of the time. I don't actually have a room of my own, no, but a space which is a little less chock a block with children's bit and pieces. As the years pass we have moved away from the wood only mantra when it comes to toys, despite being more aesthetically pleasing, because interests change. Christmas, and this time of year's festivities of light, life, birth and renewal is a time to be flexible, not rigid. I feel that more I suppose as the years pass by. A denial of the time in which we live in, is a denial of life almost, a not accepting of the way things are right now for our children, at this moment. So, luckily, Felix had Lego too to console him yesterday. Lego in particular is a staple bit of ever changing furniture in this house. And it's so good for Felix, I see it. It just fuels some imaginative bit of him. In that way maybe that holding a ball of wool does to me. But more so I expect.





Merry Christmas, and welcome to change, to flexibility and and the fluidity needed in family life. Oh and my New Years Resolution? Stop buying animals. Really and truly. It's so simple. Lets see if I can stick to it (after this weeks, erm, purchase that is). Also, chickens don't count. They are birds, and food-giving creatures, so I must exclude them from my 'resolution', or wish. I just read that the French don't make resolutions and I shall ask my French SIL when she visits at New Year if it is so. They think it's barbaric to have this moral contract hanging over oneself. And in poor taste to weigh the self down, right at the beginning of a new year and new beginning! I agree. I shall perhaps make wishes, because if a wish falls by the wayside, so be it. Often they fly away and change in any case. Oui? So grateful to spend anther Christmas with my family. That was my favourite gift this year. Corny but absolutely true. Off now to a pink bath with sparkles and stories about lost stuffed toys, listened to by a small girl, her dogs (toy and real) and a new baby doll....

christmas making

I love the week leading up to Christmas. I love the excitement that thrums the air between my children. Taut with dashing hither and dither, secrets and mostly doing. Doing and making and then more making.





I arrived home last week with my great MIL's old Singer sewing machine. It's old. It's loud, but it's great. It actually sews, which is a big improvement on my last machine. I sewed the two little skirts in super quick time. The fabric is one of my favourites; Westfallenstoffe.



Then not yet ready to get away from the machine, I zipped up two little patchwork quilts from my scraps. They are sort of baby/knee sized. The backing is a super soft organic hemp fleece (which I bought years ago to make something or other and then never did). They have an layer of cotton flannel rather than wadding which makes them quite heavy and warm. I didn't follow a pattern, I just felt my way.





I have already parceled up and sent off the little pink and apple green one for a sweet mama and babe, but the red and blue one I'll keep, my lot like it when they are lounging on the sofas. Isaac wants me to make him a full sized bed one. Ohh, it daunts me, I'll have to think about it for a while and gather materials.







We made paper chains, for the tree and ceilings.









Isaac turned his into a different sort of tree decoration.



And Esmé went wild with beads and made a shed load of happy decorations too.







This was my gift from Esmé this year and even though I tell her it may be bad luck, she insists on hanging it anyway. She made it at her little play-school, those are her own foot and hand prints.



I made yet more mincemeat - and I wouldn't have had to if I hadn't scoffed the first lot. Yup.



Christmas kitchen time seems to mean SUGAR.



So we made peppermint creams. They turned out sort of golden coloured because we used unrefined icing sugar.



We took the pretty peppermint candy canes from the tree, bashed them to smithereens and then used them.





To make the fabulous and addictive and blog-popular Peppermint Bark. In case you fancy trying and can't be bothered to look up and read the recipe. You basically melt a load of good white chocolate. Spread it on to greaseproof paper in a sort of rectangle shape. And sprinkle on a handful of the bashed up peppermint candy canes. Then while it sets whip up a batch of dark chocolate ganache by melting lots of dark chocolate with a few spoonfuls of cream. Mix over a low heat until thick and leave to cool a bit. Spread over the set white chocolate and leave again in the fridge to set. Melt the same again of white chocolate and repeat, sprinkle on the last of your peppermints. When it's all nice and set, trim off the edges and gobble them. You will be surprised as I was that it's not as tooth numbingly sweet as you expect. It's sort of cool and rich. And moreish. You may have noticed my lack of exact quantities here. I find precision in the kitchen to be a very American thing. I always have a little smile when I read American recipes (a nice amused smile, not smirking). They are soooo exact! Like '1/4 of a tsp of sea salt'. Really? I mean I always thought recipes were guide-lines of the vaguest sort, and you just sort of use your initiative and what you have on hand to spin something similar (maybe better?) out. Some even tell you how to chop things up! Ho ho ho. Like maybe you were planning on I don't know, using an axe. So funny. I think maybe it's more European or something. To just do as you fancy. So for measuring sake I used about three bars of white Green and Blacks altogether, or maybe it was 4? (see!) and about two of dark. I only used about 7 candy canes because I was not allowed to pilfer more from the tree. I see the original recipe calls for about 20 or 30. Jesus. That would be *sweet*. Swoon and headache. And an awful lot of buzzy jitter-bugging around.



If like me you have not eaten much in the way of sugar, and not at all of cows dairy in three years you may find you end up feeling weird. But I have to say. Yes it was WORTH IT. It really is that good. I would never have thought to put those confections all together like that. But it works. Chop the rest of it up any old way you like and keep refrigerated, really. Because it melts quick. I doubt ours will last until Christmas day. And goodbye gift giving. I think I am going to be shopping for white chocolate again today. Whoops. I managed to resist eating a piece until 10.30am today. Pretty good I thought. I was up before 7, so take that into account. I did. I'll be very glad when it's all eaten up and can stop tempting me constantly.



Felix's bedroom this year is his own 'winter wonderland' (said just like the Abominable snow does in Monsters Inc). He has lights and paper chains and little candles. I painted him a very quick winter scene yesterday and he was very pleased with me for doing so.



I also made the winter village that has been on my mind for a while (yes, you are finding out what keeps me awake at night, and it's not important stuff, I tell ya). Only, er, yeah, I made three houses. It's a pretty paltry village. More like a hamlet. Or a place you don't notice driving through. Just like where we live! Felix, piped, genuinely happily! I also didn't use liquid starch, because that stuff STINKS! And I like to enjoy my crafting. So it's a floppy village.


~yes, that's me at my uni graduation with tiny baby Isaac, many many moons ago....

My hens are laying 28 eggs a week! I am very happy with them, and let them know by pampering them, feeding them meal worms and insects suet pellets and throwing into their run whole cabbages and bunches of kale from my garden. They love me. It's a mutual thing. The cockerel still avoids us all and perishes I feel on the perimeters of life in the garden. But it's up to him. I must leave him to his own devices. Perhaps he has a plan (no, just kidding, he's a chicken after all). In any case, I can't catch him.



My favourite bit of making so far this week was a wreath for the door. I set out looking for berries and vines and returned with hazel twigs, heather and pine. It was what was to hand and so reflects the garden (or my own lack of ability to forage further).















It is splendid and bushy and big. Esmé (for once, it must be said) was a true help. She held it all in place constantly and was vigilant whilst I tied the starting twisted hoop together.



We are reading Dickens again, third year in a row. I read it out loud in the evenings (yes, by the fire) and for once in our modern hustle life it feels like a big pause and respite. I am sure the flowery language just washes over Felix and Esmé but they get the jist of Scrooge and I feel fuller and richer for the reading of it. Despite not much liking any other Charles Dickens novels (shoot me) this Christmas ritual is soothing.