friday feeling

we picked flowers ~ to make sweet scented oil





we washed ~ bowls and buckets and her feet





we cooked ~ she tasted



and overwhelmingly, she's still my little helper

when the postman came

... this morning, he knocked so loudly we all jumped and imagined it may be... a burglar? I don't know why. Why we thought so, or why we jumped. Well - living here, where we do, without neighbours or anyone within shouting distance it can get so that a knock at the door is a rare thing. A jumpy thing. And oh-my-god-who-could-it-be thing. Friends usually just come on in, or as is usual from Spring to Autumn, the front door is usually wide open so knocking is unusual. Especially big hearty knocks that on an old oak door sound right throughout the house.

But a burglar? Who knocks? A crafty one then. I told the postman this and we laughed. We know the postman, he is jolly and smiley and exactly as a postman should be. He's not creepy like the one we had in our last place over on the coast in Wales who would let himself in if I didn't answer the door on the first knock. Weird. He only wanted to chat and share gossip but still.

We lived in a crumbly damp poky little Welsh farm house and the only other neighbours also lived in poky damp little Welsh farm houses (sweet and cute and beamed and woodburing stove type they may have been, but overwhelming they were damp.... or maybe that's just Wales). Anyway, when you live somewhere the postman has to drive to and get out of his van to visit, we have found they are liable to want to chat. Which is nice really. That we have time to chat is also a nice thing. Sometimes I wonder if I am so starved for adult conversation that I chat for too long. But well, that's a whole other topic....



Today the postman brought Esmé her first pair of shoes. Thus far she has worn the wonderfully endearing Padraig Cottage boots. She adores them, I adore them, they are warm without her feet ever getting sweaty, they dry like lightening (when placed on the AGA rail - yes, it's finally working again), they can be thrown in the washing machine and come out fluffy and lovely again. BUT this girl does not like wellies. The way the top of the boot touches her legs. So she has been barefoot a lot. Which I think is nice (postmen, bare feet - will there be an end to niceness today?). But when we are out and about and it's wet and the soft boots get soaked, and bare feet are just not a nice idea... we needed shoes.



There must be something weird about me that I don't like shoes on tiny people. I think maybe Esmé is the first to get a pair of shoes so early... hmm, she just might be. She is 17 months old. What I like is that little feet should be able to move as they would bare footed. They are small and soft and need flexibility. No rigid soles or structured-ness suits me. So Clarks and such are out of the window. I love Soft Star Shoes, we have been a customer there before (but pssst! Take note - if your child is flat footed they do not offer enough support at the ankle and the child ends up walking on the side of the shoe/boot rather than the sole - not so good - same with Celtic sheepskin boots - which again we all love here - except flat-footed Isaac).

I like these too, these new first shoes for Esmé. They are very flexible, the sole bends in half, heel to toe just with a gentle squeeze. They are soft and breathable. They are quite cute too. Felix liked his pair last year and when he saw these today said he wanted another pair. They also have a sale on right now. How can I be plugging products? Well I am, so there. And for free! And these companies don't even know it.



Even nicer is when you get to wear hand knitted socks with your new shoes, sent by dear friend means they are even sweeter.

Lots of fun to be had with packaging. Hold on - the shoes were not packed in that box. Don't worry. Felix loves these cornstarch bits of packaging. One lick and stick, stick you can go and create figures and such. Today it was used in mad crazy throwing play and also as a lucky-dip box.





But what came in this mega box? Not more shoes. Postman also brought nice things for me too. In the form of my very very most favourite drink on earth. Go on, offer me anything! I will refuse for one of these lovely coconut water drinks. The boys don't like them. I am so happy about that because I get more. Greedy am I not? Esmé loves them though and will happily slurp half of one in a single sitting. They have a perfect electrolyte balance and re-hydrate the body efficiently, much more so than regular water. Plus they have minerals and amino acids. Just for some thrown in nutritional info. They are so nice. Nice, nice, nice. I could drink one a day if only I could afford it. But I am happy getting a few every now and again. Better than cosmetics, better than chocolate. Seriously. Did I just type that? Well since I no longer eat the stuff the water's a clear winner.



My other most favourite luxury - which I didn't buy today, but is worth mentioning here because it's just lushous. Is in fact a once or twice a year thing (or lovely gift from kind person), it's this wonderful wonderful Neals Yard Remedies bubble bath. I am super fussy about anything on my skin, and bathe with plain water usually so this is just divine.



When the postman brings me this, I am also happy to see him.

I do hope my dh doesn't read this, he might get jealous. Actually if you do, sweet man, then you now know exactly the two things you could buy me come gift giving days to make me happy. Coconut water and seaweed bubble bath. Easy to please am I. Although you would not agree I know, you'd say I am the worst sort who thinks I am easy to please but am in fact hard to do so (said with a smile I think). Which is entirely untrue (but very Harry met Sally-ish). Coconut water and seaweed bubble bath. Some things bear repeating. Oh and postmen! Yes, in this house when the postman is mistaken for the burglar - it only means one good thing - parcels.

the two 'P' 's : paint and playdough

OK, so no more Buddhism today. Well not intentionally anyway. Although who'd say no to a bit of added calm in their hectic day? Not me, that's ALWAYS welcome.



First things first. Do you know, that for the last couple of weeks I wake up and then I actually get dressed? Not mind blowing to the average person who does this every day I know. But this has totally changed my day. For the better.

Amazing.

Before I slopped about in PJ's, sometimes until lunch time, feeling rather, well, sloppy (even though I did things, don't take me as a sloth). I Love wearing Pj's and chilling out as much as the next busy Mama, but it was getting a bit much. I just ended up feeling cross that I was still wearing PJ's... and so getting dressed early makes me feel oh so productive! So on top of things! So ready to start my day! (Look at those exclamation marks, I am just banging them out in glee!!!!)

It has been very good for me. Today, for example, was one of those feeling productive days (don't mix it with actual productivity - just the feeling of is enough). But I was up, goat milk rice pudding in the oven for one boy, chopping veg and beginning a stew/sauce for the rest of us. And it was early morning! And I was dressed! Wowzers. Esmé at hand, in her usual helpful position beside me on the counter. My AGA is on the blink so I am using the tiny gas stove on the island in the kitchen until it is fixed (AGA fixing people are very busy apparently). It feels very novel, like I am camping or something, and when I cook I get to see everyone else downstairs rather than have my back to them - it's really great, relaxing even, it must be good feng shui or something.



Then Esmé spied the paintbrushes and so we had to paint.









We had a couple of friends over (potion making in the garden, sand play and such when the rain showers held off) and then after a rest (me in bed with the babe and the boys watching a film) we made play dough. I do like making play dough. It feels so crafty and frugal and Good-Mama-ish, and of course it is miles better than the shop bought stuff. Plus it gets played with for AGES here. It really does. It is so LOVED. The boys use it for hours at a time, absorbed, games shifting from food to figures and back again, chatting, laughing. The trick is leaving it long enough between making one batch and the next, a month or two really (or longer). I even experimented and tried a gluten free version (with gluten free plain flour) but it turned out very rubbery and a bit sticky. Not a hit. This is my favourite recipe. Lovely and squishy and holds it's shape, can be made in five minutes flat, so quick you feel inspired to make more and more in every shade.







So the two P's. When days are rainy that's what we do. Paint and Play with dough. Easy for me and lots of value for them. But simple things too, and I often forget them, imagining that I need to get out bigger, fancier, elaborate craft activities (that often, honestly, can leave me tired, stressed with the excess mess; as good and inspiring that they can be sometimes).

Some days you just crave some simple hands-on open-ended play times that leave you free to rest too. For me that's play dough and paint. I am seriously going to remember when we go away in a few weeks to take the paints and play dough making ingredients. Who knows? It may rain. I wouldn't be surprised. We are going to Scotland afterall (oh the age old, tired Scottish weather gags, I love you really Scotland, wild and airy land).



So, hurray for easy, craft-like, happy play. The best sort.



And a little girl who for every minute of play is both easy and happy. But thankfully not all that crafty. Yet.

theories

Theories are odd things. They can be so uplifting, so inspiring, so confusing, sometimes plain odd, sometimes perplexing... sometimes so hard to achieve you feel you are constantly failing. Often some theories just 'click' and you get that 'wow' factor which leaves you buzzing and excited and wanting to talk to someone else about your 'discovery' : about this fabulously liberating way to parent your children, or a great idea that fits with the way you want to both eat well and tread lightly upon the earth (kissing the ground as you walk, isn't that a nice image? I just read someone saying that when we walk in haste, with urgency then we imprint this upon the earth with each step we take...).

Anyway.

What I am discovering about theories is that no matter how watertight, how wonderful, how amazing your theories may seem to be; it's not necessarily a great way to feel about them as so. To identify yourself so wholly with them. For in fact they are theories. They are not life. They are not me looking into my baby's eyes, or my son folding a piece of bread into his mouth.

Life is change. Life is being prepared to let in, being open. Being open. Not closing yourself to possibilities you assume have no interest to you or nothing to do with they way you see your life taking shape.

This guy manages to capture what I mean in a much more concise way:

Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice non attachment from views in order to be open to receive others' viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout your entire life and to observe reality in yourself and in the world at all times.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

When I am looking at food theories, parenting ideals, eco warrioring (these seem to be the themes of my life generally right now), I am seeking to apply this notion (ha, I nearly said, this theory ). It's hard not to want to identify yourself with theories, to attach and label oneself as this or that. Some of our labels are so noble and inspiring, we LOVE them, we want them and others to know of which theories we try to possess and own. I am a baby wearer, I co-sleep, I practice attachment parenting, I strive to eat locally, seasonally, wholefoods, organically..... this list could go on - these ways in which I feel proud to describe myself.

But what happens when I don't? When I am the true me, apart from all of this? I am practicing meditating (oh, only in bed at night as a means to relax and sleep, hey when else in my day could I fit it in?) and am finding that I get to this place where I can see my fears, my anxiety, my worry and not be them. It is pretty remarkable. I don't know where it's going but it feel good to see that none of the labels, the theories are really me. That I can see them and yet also feel they are periphery to life's central experience. That of simply being and living.

It is pretty cool.

That's pretty much all I came here today to say.

I am open to life's experience and in seeing what comes along the way. All of these are my lessons. Everything, every experience, idea, theory, I can learn from in one way or another. Everything can have a rose hue. If I let it. If I let it. And so I am trying. And it feels pretty good. It means I smile a lot more. These are the things which will enrich my family's life. No theory could ever do that. None.

That's my theory anyway :) It certainly makes life look so very different. Like a whole new season.

my little helper

I LOVE how she seems to get lost in our garden yet is utterly confident in it.

All three of my childrenat one time or another have been my 'little helpers'. They do so much for themselves and each other. But right now Esmé is right in there just wanting to do *everything* I do (if I wear a skirt - she does too, swish swish). It is in parts delightful and frustrating (ok, mostly delightful).

Frustrating because when what she wants to do is sit on a cluttered worktop in the kitchen (like, oh seven times a day), I need to be right there aware of what she is doing while giving her space to do her stuff. It is involving and mindful to the core: what I always love about being with children. Yet absurdly tiring too when you 'need' to make dinner for other children and the cat is twisting around your ankles mewing for food, the compost needs taking outside, the machine is spewing washing.....

How easy to be able to concentrate on only one child! I am shocked on the rare occasion when I am with a single child - how ultra relaxing it is. How, I have so much left over of that 'vim' feeling, for myself, others too. It reminds me of how tired I really do get when I am with my three from dawn until dusk (as it happens often). How I have time to blog (it's therapeutic) but not the energy to check my emails or answer the phone. Time for reading stories, filling buckets with water, sweeping the floor, chopping veg - but no time for a minute to rest, relax, contemplate. I think a massage a week should be on the NHS for all full time Mamas. One every two weeks for working mamas.... Just kidding! Just kidding! Y'all can have one a week too when I am in charge of NHS funds (and for the record, when I am, cleaners will be forced to use essentials oils, and hospital windows will not be painted shut - amongst other essential things :) )

Little joys and laughs and the mama-amazement sprinkled through the day negate the tiredness. They make this life not just bearable but throw on a rainbow hue of there's-nothing-else-I'd-rather-be-doing-with-my-life. Even with the bone weariness. Even with the ragged nerves and please-no-more-fighting-today gritting in your teeth. Even when those moments of clarity are peppered ever so lightly throughout the day they still manage to leave a taste so that the day is flavoured enough with goodness to get you through. Cos' one day (I remind myself) they'll be grown and quite possibly I may then have all the time in the world to rest, relax and contemplate. Until then I'll work on finding the joys, big or small where ever I can find them. Near my children is the best bet.

every morning

Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand new hours to live. What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy and happiness to ourselves and others.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Eco face... Eco Body?

Astonished to find I packed SO LITTLE for myself when we visited my mother's last week. The me of ten years ago would have been bereft seeing the scant few 'necessaries' I deemed necessary to take:



~a little vial of homemade face oil, 1:1 rose hip seed oil to jojoba oil
~Dr Hauschka mascara (lovely gift from kind sister)
~crystal rock stone deodorant
~trusty old wooden hairbrush

.... and that was that. On the outside at least I am Eco-warrior queen who can travel anywhere with very little. Very liberating.

However.

I did chug along this whopping great bag of supplements. In fact I couldn't even fit them all in to this pink bag and had some bigger tubs stuffed elsewhere.



I am armed with justifications for my 'need' of these right now. But Nora Gedgaudas says it eloquently enough here.

Given the mineral depletion of our soils and the difficulty in obtaining adequate levels of essential fats and fat-soluble nutrients from readily available food sources, greater chronic levels of daily stress and environmental toxins, it stands to reason that some supplementation is desirable, if not necessary. Logically, it is best to obtain supplements from food sources or complexes wherever available, as numerous, possibly unidentified co-factors are likely to be present and help facilitate optimal utilisation of nutrients.

This seems reasonable to me. Er, obviously given my little stash of nutritional goodies.

Bear in mind though that I am seeking major cell repairing and renewal, I have an allergen free diet (no grains, dairy, yeast, sugar, corn, potatoes...) and constantly seek to make this a stable blood sugar diet too (so no insulin surges). I don't feel that what I do eat leaves me lacking, it's more a case of feeling that having spent the last ten years either pregnant or breastfeeding (or both) my body could do with some super nourishment. It has told me enough lately that this is the case, with my major wake up call re: my auto immune function.

The supplements (for those interested!):

~ Super Oxicell (not pictured!) Antioxidant cream rich in Glutathione & S.O.D., transdermal - ie rubbed into vascular area of skin (inside or wrist, bottom of foot..)
~ Gastro ULC, gut healing botanicals (a must for repairing single cell gut wall, damage equals leaky gut syndrome which in turn has a horrid effect upon body systems, esp. auto immune function)
~ Triple berry, probiotic and super berry formula
~ Bio care, probiotic (different strains than previous)
~ Green Pastures Raw fermented Cod Liver Oil, essential DHA, EPA and Vitamins A and D in easily assimilated form
~ Mercola Krill Oil, high grade fish oil, great for omega 3
~ Evening Primrose Oil, GLA source
~ Barley Grass powder, super green powder to mix with water
~ L- Glutamine essential amino acid, primary food source for the cells of the small intestine, greatly helps regenerate gastrointestinal mucosa, helps stop cravings for sweets
~ Urdo digestive enzymes, digestive support
~ B12, Mercola Spray, B12 is less well absorbed from from food for those with potential compromised digestion (most of us!), needed for healthy brain function and manufacture of red blood cells
~ Acerola Cherry, food source vitamin C
~ Co Q10, potent antioxident, protects EFA's, supports healthy mitochondrial function (mitochondria serves as the energy source for all body cells, inadequate functioning means cell death)
~ Bee Pollen, good source of flavinoids
~Ultra D, emulsified vit D (vitamin d is actually a steroid hormone rather than 'vitamin'), easily assimilated form
~ Vitamin E, food source
~ Vit B complex, food source

I eat maybe a 500ml jar of VCO weekly. Is that a supplement or food? The lines begin to blur... I have included the list of things here I don't specifically 'eat' although super foods do make their way into my diet, like coconut oil.

I have felt something akin to distaste for super foods for a long time. I read websites such as Detox Your World, and I wonder - how can a diet be a healthy one when everything suggested as 'essential' is not locally sustainable? These super foods are shipped from every far flung region of the world at huge environmental cost. Added to which they are not 'known' to us, our bodies, well mine anyway; white Northern European, surely has no evolutionary recognition of a Goji Berry? Now I am not a purist, you can see by my supplements, if I wanted to walk that talk I would call myself a 'Locavore' and live on the apples of my valley and the local cheese. In my heart I think everyone should be locavores. That we could get everything we needed from the food within a few miles of us all. Fats from cheese and animals and fish, vitamins from the veg and fruit available during the year. Fermenting milks and veg (kefir, yogurt, sauerkraut) to last us during leaner times.

But our bodies are skewered. Diets overloaded with grains make us gluten intolerant, too much kiwi and pineapple from Tesco make us surge with insulin all day long. Most of us have no idea what to eat, there are so many 'diets' out there promising health and longevity, which to choose! We have every food at our fingertips and we still can't decide.

It's deeply personal this food issue and causes offence easily, makes people passionate and angry, soulful and over romantic about some garden of Eden we all once supposedly walked naked and at the fruits of earth from. Yeah. Well. Our Ice age ancestors might have disagreed somewhat with that notion. I recently read that 99.99% of our genealogy was formed pre-agriculture. Which means we have no bodily recognition or adaptation to eat grains, sugars (including fruit) and other carbohydrates (think agro-starchy-veg). None at all. Our physiology expects us to eat in the way our ancestors of 2.2 million years did. How we evolved to eat. Agriculture is only a couple of thousand years old. We lived by eating only a handful or so of berries every so often. That was it in the way of sugar. Our bodies, today, right now, expect No MORE. We have the same genes today, it takes 40-100,000 years for our genes to adapt to a new environment. So we have Ice Age bodies. It's easy top see why we are so befuddled and have so much illness. Why we battle with blood sugar issues and mood swings all day (not to mention being overweight and have issues with every hormonal, adrenal, thyroid function on a constant basis).

So yeah. My supplement use feels good right now, I have invested a lot into it (financially, mentally, emotionally). I also have an appointment with a renowned holistic practitioner tomorrow, so that is exciting.

My dh is very supportive of my diet choices (small portions of high quality meats and fish (no more than two 3oz servings per day), lots of leafy greens and other non starchy veg, nuts and seeds - soaked and dehydrated). But he does not want to eat this way, and my children still eat the way I used to (organic whole foods). I have these pangs when I serve them grains or goat milk milkshakes. I don't eat the stuff, how can I feed it to them? Especially when I have read the nutritional and historical and clinical research on the stuff? Yet they would rebel in a horrific way if I imposed my food preferences on them. My eating the way I do has had some influence on them. We certainly have a lot less grains and sugars going on, plus only goat milk.... I can only continue to feed them moderately on the 'baddies' while making the good stuff attractive. Hey, I just realised that supplements aside, I personally am eating TOTALLY locally (blueberries: there's a pick your own near by). I can't speak for the other family members but I am only accountable for myself, right?

And so while on the outside I am an minimalist Eco warrior, on the inside I certainly am battling to be a minimalist Eco warrior. When I get there, I'll send word :)

Quick! What is this?

It was in my veg box this morning... but what is it?! I have no idea. It has no scent, it has feathery fennel type leaves but has no fennel smell. Stalks like chard stalks, and little root tips... Hmmmm Any ideas?

on my little soap box, again

Ok. This was in today's Guardian:

More than 1,4000 tonnes of potentially hazardous waste, including nappies, condoms and bags of blood, will be returned to Britain from Brazil as UK authorities investigate whether they were illegally exported. The Environment Agency said yesterday plans were being made to bring back the rubbish. Five Brazilian companies that imported waste between February and May have already been fined, although they said they thought they were receiving plastic for recycling. The head of Brazil's environment agency said his country was not 'a rubbish dump of the world'.

Is it the fact that we don't have the necessary facilities to dispose of this rubbish? Is it that it's cheaper to cart it off around the world where someone else can deal with it? (Oh the sickening transport costs - and now doubled since it is all heading back here).... but what really riles me is that knowing this, the government don't do more to promote (or enforce) cloth nappy use (what about disposables on prescription only, like formula milk in the Netherlands?). The Real Nappy scheme that started off in this country (by the government) has flopped. Why? Why don't they appeal to more people? My BIL once said that he'd rather do anything with his 'free' time than load up the washing machine with nappies. Like dig your own pit in the garden to bury your son's disposable nappies? I asked. Cos' that is what maybe you should do..... There is no way I could ever sit on the fence about cloth vs. disposable. I am not the National Childbirth Trust.

Three children - and I am still using the nappies I started out with. Oh plus more. But not that much more. Camping, travelling (plane, train, and automobile), shopping, restaurants, museums, day trips, holidays.... I can truly say that using cloth has been no more trouble than asking (when away for a few days) if a washing machine is available some where near. Easier than finding the local takeaway, or at least as easy as. It's not like we are talking about huge amounts of physical labour involved in washing the itty bitty cloth things either: toss them through a round door, and the eco balls and press a button. Two of my children have never ever had a disposable touch their peachy soft butt cheeks. And they only wear/wore a couple of nappies a day anyway because it's nice to be bare and who minds about a little puddle of baby milk-baby wee?

And all of this might again be made even easier and more eco friendly if we learned the art of Elimination Communication. Now I can't honestly see it catching on in a mainstream way, we are too anti-body and certainly too anti-body-excrement for that. But it would be amazing if it did. Or at least it might be practiced at home in any case. And so mid way between wanton rubbish accumulation and nakedness is cloth.

Cloth nappies (or no nappies at all, aka elimination communication) are EASY. The child who refuses to use a potty might be helped by using cloth since you pretty much feel the wetness when it happens and that is just not comfortable. For anyone. Consciousness salved too by using cloth when a child is in nappies beyond the 'normal' three years. And the estimated space of two football pitches covered in disposable nappies by then (age three years) doesn't have to extend any sickeningly further. There are even nappies that are so easy to use, you push the absorbant pad inside the cover and snap on. Even the stupidest person could figure it out. So great for grandparents or nursery care people (erm, not that thery are stupid ya hear me, just not maybe nappy savvy:) ) Check out a a napppy like FuzziBunz if that would fit your bill.

You save money. Time no. But time spent now might save the world that little bit more from being ravaged and fouled up for your child. I don't think it's that much of an exaggeration. It just might help. Ask your mother or friend if they would mind doing the occasional load of regular washing if you are struggling with a newborn. Meals too since you are in there asking for favours :)

I loathe disposable nappies. There is nothing disposable about them. Even their name is a lie. They are going no where. They'll be right here, pretty much forever (as long as forever counts to those who we hold dear in any case). I see even people putting their eco-disposables into those little vile smelling blue nappy plastic sacks. Why? We live in this very odd time. Don't we? So much has been written online and on paper about disposables and the way they are produced and the massive energy costs involved in every step of their production. There is no need for me to say it again here. It's huge.

Plus...

...using cloth means seeing little nappies blowing dry in the wind and that is soothing to the soul. And we could all do with a bit of Soul soothing after wringing our hands over The Guardian (just for the record this is the first newspaper I have EVER bought!) Therefore I must be astoundingly ignorant of so many issues you might think... And be spot on. My heart aches too much and my mind buzz's like an unhappy, angry wasp when I read newspapers. So I don't.

Which is just as well because if I did I may be posting more of these sigh inducing, soap box style posts that leave me looking like I am frowning down from my lofty pedestal. I am not, it's more like my upturned face is at the feet of mothers begging them not to toss that package of disposables into their supermarket trolly. But to go home and wrap a t-shirt around their babe's tush while they source some cloth nappies. Can you (reading this) do that?



Amen.

Kittykins, great selection of cloth nappies

Twinkle on the Web, them too.

If I offend, please feel free to never read my blog again :)

Book Sharing Monday

A new Sarah Garland, Stan and his Gran. The usual home-y pictures and sweet story, a hit with Felix and Esmé, even Isaac sat happily while I read it. Working mum and dad, so Stan and his baby sister Annie go to stay with Gran for the day.



And also I have to include Esmé this week and her most favourite book ever (although actually my dh pointed out that this is not true- her most favourite Of All is another, which I will post about next week instead!). But this certainly gets read/sung a million or so times a week too. Great moving parts and lots of lovely drawings - babe in sling and mama kissing crying babe are my favourite bits.

And after the journey....

We are home. A week away makes your home seem exotic and deliciously familiar all at once. I had a great time at my mum's though because I get to relax while someone adores her grandchildren.

We had this amazingly nightmarish four hour train journey (only one bit of our day's journey I might add) whereby Esmé decided not only that she certainly would not have a nap but that she was going to wreck the mental equilibrium of every passenger in the bursting full train carriage. There was a scene where she was sitting on the messy table - think food remains, Beano annuals, raisin boxes... and holding aloft a bag of crisps which she popped everywhere. Then laughed like a maniac. And then bit me, and then bit Felix and then squeezed a bottle of water in Felix's face and he was soaked. We all burst out laughing. What else was there to do? At least that way it looks like we are all having a jolly time rather than me taking 'control' and creating Stress. I could feel these vibes from some people though - their looks and seat shuffling, flicking of newspapers - that I ought to have more control over my kids.... I just smiled A LOT. At everyone. And the funny thing was doing so actually made me even more sympathetic and empathetic and nice to my unruly train-tired kids. We had a lovely compliment from a man who couldn't believe Esmé was signing to me and another who said I had well mannered children. So that evened it out a bit. But phew. I am so glad today is a lovely home day. The boys are all off at a bike riding birthday party but Esmé and I decided to stick at home, unpack and settle back in.

First out to the garden where I pulled our first carrots, no 1st prize for a uniform look, we grow mad ones here.



I removed this gigantic toppling pile of books from the side of my bed and turned the sewing room/guest room/dressing room/playroom window sill into a book shelf.



I decluttered some craft shelves.



I washed, folded and hung clothes.



I re-stacked Esmé 's book shelves near our bed.



I updated my daily food journal (just so I can be more aware of what I eat and see where I need to tweak).



I cleaned, tidied and renewed the nature shelf.



I washed here, dusted there, straightened up the play-kitchen in the real kitchen.



Took myself and babe out for a walk along our usual sheep and cow spotting track.

Made raw choc. love balls, raw choc. toffee for the week ahead, and then ate the twisted carrots straight up, sweet sweet sweet with some hummus. The chard, courgettes, onion, garlic and aubergine (from the garden!) I sauteed briefly with VCO and tamari for me and The Beauty. She liked the salmon-nori rolls best, though a bowl of plain humus hits the spot for her too.



We relaxed, drifted around doing little bits here and there inside and out.

With the boys away she took control of their drawing supplies (and chairs) to create a few master pieces.



A peaceful day at Home :)