I LOVE how she seems to get lost in our garden yet is utterly confident in it.
All three of my childrenat one time or another have been my 'little helpers'. They do so much for themselves and each other. But right now Esmé is right in there just wanting to do *everything* I do (if I wear a skirt - she does too, swish swish). It is in parts delightful and frustrating (ok, mostly delightful).
Frustrating because when what she wants to do is sit on a cluttered worktop in the kitchen (like, oh seven times a day), I need to be right there aware of what she is doing while giving her space to do her stuff. It is involving and mindful to the core: what I always love about being with children. Yet absurdly tiring too when you 'need' to make dinner for other children and the cat is twisting around your ankles mewing for food, the compost needs taking outside, the machine is spewing washing.....
How easy to be able to concentrate on only one child! I am shocked on the rare occasion when I am with a single child - how ultra relaxing it is. How, I have so much left over of that 'vim' feeling, for myself, others too. It reminds me of how tired I really do get when I am with my three from dawn until dusk (as it happens often). How I have time to blog (it's therapeutic) but not the energy to check my emails or answer the phone. Time for reading stories, filling buckets with water, sweeping the floor, chopping veg - but no time for a minute to rest, relax, contemplate. I think a massage a week should be on the NHS for all full time Mamas. One every two weeks for working mamas.... Just kidding! Just kidding! Y'all can have one a week too when I am in charge of NHS funds (and for the record, when I am, cleaners will be forced to use essentials oils, and hospital windows will not be painted shut - amongst other essential things :) )
Little joys and laughs and the mama-amazement sprinkled through the day negate the tiredness. They make this life not just bearable but throw on a rainbow hue of there's-nothing-else-I'd-rather-be-doing-with-my-life. Even with the bone weariness. Even with the ragged nerves and please-no-more-fighting-today gritting in your teeth. Even when those moments of clarity are peppered ever so lightly throughout the day they still manage to leave a taste so that the day is flavoured enough with goodness to get you through. Cos' one day (I remind myself) they'll be grown and quite possibly I may then have all the time in the world to rest, relax and contemplate. Until then I'll work on finding the joys, big or small where ever I can find them. Near my children is the best bet.
11 comments:
Lovely Claire, just lovely. I wish that I could slow our lives down just a little bit to let me see again.
I wholeheartedly agree with you yet again! And that last photo is just gorgeous.
I find one quite exhausting! Maybe I'm doing something wrong?
They are beautiful photos, a lovely record of your kids early days they will treasure!!!!!
Yes, being at home with the children all day can be exhausting sometimes and often, they are my only company till Conor comes back late in the evening, but you see the world with fresh eyes when you are with children, there really is a lot of fun in even the most ordinary situations if you lower the standards of housework and let your childish side come out!! Lovely photos as always!
Just found you recently via Willow81 and really loved this post, particularly the getting-lost-in-the-garden bit; we have a thirteen-month small person with similar tendencies, and your photos really made me smile. :)
Oh, and I also enjoyed your nappy post t'other day - if you have any suggestions for nappy rash which aren't in this post, I'd love to hear them...
I think we have the same daughter ;-) Mine spends endless hours sitting on the kitchen counter too - I can't remember what it's like to peel veg without supervising a baby/toddler with the other hand ;-D I agree totally with your sentiment there will be plenty of time to contemplate when they are all grown up.
When I get frustrated with Ingrid I tell myself that same thing--one day she won't need me like this and I'll long for the day she puts her arms up to me and wants me to cuddle with her :)
Great pictures...love teh description of having baby on the counter and mindfulness...yes! yes! yes! So often, I am struck by how many Buddhist lessons there are in mothering.
lovely post. So wise.
and yes, what is it with the non-openable hospital windows? 'twas a big factor in my determination to homebirth this time around!
i remember my girls sitting on the counters licking a spoon while i cooked or baked. sticking little fingers in the bowl.
i miss those days sooooo.
thanks for reminding me.
and your writing here has been amazing, you touch on the exact feelings i think a lot of us share.
so as a working mom, i think i do deserve the once a week massage, because i have to do it all there and come home and do it all here...what do you think?
Actually, definatly YES. You work outside your home AND be a mama? Well you get two massages per week then :)
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