two in one

More quick Arms To Legs pants. This hoody has had it's day as a hoody. Both boys have worn it four years straight between them and the zip has bust it's seam. I decided to turn it into legs for The Beauty. Felix liked the look of the remaining shred of top. So he has decided it's his again. A body warmer! He's worn it all day so far, into town and all. As Esmé did the leggings. Not bad going when two children can wear one item of clothing at the same time :)







Felix still wearing the shredded hoody. Look behind him, on the window sill, you can see he has put a tiny egg cup filled with picked daisies and one dandelion flower, all for sale, 50p each or £2 for them all. Clearly a bargin (and as yet suprisingly unsold). I heard him saying quietly,'here you go little flowers, you'll be very happy in here!'.

egg candles

Made these. Poured melted beeswax pellets into emptied eggshells. The best bit was peeling the eggshell from the hardened wax eggs. Very satisfying. Eagle eyed girl most interested (and 'helpful') too.

pixie den

The pine tree at the veg patch was until today chock-full of rubbish. Our own rubbish: empty sacks from bought compost, bark chips, sand... bits of wire, plastic containers, broken pots, bits of wood, and a shed load of tossed aside what-the-fucks for that day when you might just need them. Which never ever comes. So I emptied the lot, made a mound of plastic to be recycled, wire was rolled and stored, sticks made into a stick-pile. Chard's of pots stored, I snipped bits of branches and heaved over some stumps from the wood pile. Voila. A den for my three pixies.




Or rather another entertaining 'trap' so that I might do some gardening with them nearby.... ho ho. I could lie and say it was pure magical intention for them, which of course not knowing my reasoning, it may well be, but secretly I love gardening so much I need lots of dens, pits and interesting corners for them to want to be outside with me just a little bit longer. In any case, it's win-win all round.

just me and the girl

The boys were away watching their very first real live football match at a Premier League stadium (Isaac's advanced 9th b'day treat). This meant The Beauty and I had chance to drift around house and garden not doing much of anything, just enjoying things as and when they happened.



Her curls. We had a bath together and washed our hair. For once she didn't want one of her million hair slides in, so the curls floated around her head, halo like.









Blue Wellies. They are all she talks about (to us and every stranger we meet). The other day at Isaac's Street Dance Class she took them off, gave them to a lady-stranger and told her to put them back on her feet. Then gave a little dance, flushed and took them off again, telling us all 'blue wellies!' about seven hundred times. I love how she keeps on saying it until someone echos it back. She'll pause in agreement. Thinking, yes, blue wellies. Then start up again... 'blue wellies!' Like we could all forget. The boys are mighty sick of it, but game mostly, although they don't answer sometimes to see how long she'll stay on repeat. It lasted us all the way to town and back. I might chuck them out in the night and see if she notices. Just kidding, I'm far too scared of her to do that. She's be screaming blue wellies at me all day if I did, just for a change.

The garden is looking fresh and although not that spring-green yet, promising and hopeful and as always there's the evergreens to buoy us up.





Warm dampness brings forth life.







The veg patch, the edge leads to the stream...





I filled an old wheelbarrow with compost and then sprinkled in wild flower seeds, a butterfly trap, right near the sand pit.



She certainly knows that art is both one part concentration and one part relaxation!

egg trees

I LOVE making an egg tree. I get excited this time of year anyway. Then I had a little peep here and was sold. Isaac helped. We've been painting and collage making too this week. I love being crafty. It has no real point other than in it's doing, the enthusiasm, the enjoyment. Sort of Buddha like.

illness and parties and growing

I've had a week of illness and we've had a birthday and honestly just so much outdoor time I have been reluctant to spend much time indoors (on here). I am having minor inflammations over and over which my Dr. thinks should be suppressed with hard core chemo drugs. I don't want to go there really. Who would? I already had a week of drugs which left me unable to sleep from Monday to Saturday. Really. It was a bit surreal.

I had acupuncture last Friday which was good and pulse diagnosis (interesting) and shall be seeing the TCM guy again to reevaluate and perhaps start some anti inflammatory herbs. What comes up for me with this inflammation, and which is a recurring theme for me is that auto immune stuff is an extension of my hyper over exertion and busyness. A busyness of the mind. Whenever I tune into myself, go all peaceful, ask for guidance or generally just zone out/in and ask what is it I need to know... this is what it comes back to. The extensive pulse diagnosis confirmed this (did you know that the Chinese have over 87 different measurements for just the wrist pulse?). This confirmation made me smile, because mostly I think I don't even trust the answers I come up with myself. If I don't trust myself and my body's wisdom, can I expect it to heal? Will I always seek outside 'help'? This is something I need to ponder on as I *tell* myself over and over, with words that I am healthy, that my body is perfect and knows what to do -but do I believe it? Why not? Where does the doubt come from? Can I think of times when my body has healed? Can I think of times when my body has *done it* without anyone else?

What resonates for me is finding the root of this, not just suppress suppress. My bloods are always fine. No raised white bloods, no raised CRP, and yet still pain and inflammation.... The pulse diagnosis pointed out many things, mostly emotional issues that made me smile and grimace. I need to relax my mind more, not be crowded out and generating 'heat' with pointless thought patterns. I had acupuncture to draw out heat. TCM seems to be big on heat/cold issues. I always have cold hands and feet, chronically so. I have a hot water bottle in my bed about 3/4 of the year. I have a vibrational quality to my pulse which corresponds with either a heart shock that manifests in the physical or a physical shock that reverberated emotionally (the two are one in TCM). I have mild issues of 'resignation' (? Hmmm) and again and again fast blips, equating a fast paced mind, which is terrible (apparently) for the body to deal with. We don't live in a Newtonian universe, quantum physics has proved that, but Western medicine continues to use bullet point drugs, missing the whole time and time again. we are made up more of space than matter, ask any physicist. What is this space? Energy. Who controls this energy? We do. It's kind of mind blowing. We are made from of energy (seriously check out something science-y like The Biology of Belief to corroborate this). A disease is like a car, our genes the key, but what turns the key? Not it's self, obviously, key's don't steal and make runaway cars; environment is the turner of the key. Environment constitutes ourselves, our thoughts, not just factors like diet, tigers and war, rain and sun. Our beliefs decide what our cells do (and don't do). It's a fascinating science.

I am a believer :) I am totally healthy today. I am totally healthy therefore. I choose to accept this. My mind is calm. My body is perfect. I am meditating, calming, distilling. Shutting up the limiting thought processes that often consume and depress me. I see the TCM guy again soon. I'll report back. It's as interesting to me as about anything else is. I am not doing chemo for this. I just can't, it feels so wrong. I know I can get into remission, I have *seen* it in my future. I belief it to be so. I will create that in every way possible. My body already has miraculous powers - I birthed a baby at home after 2 c-sections, even though no one really thought it was the right thing to do. I just *knew* it was the only way for me and it really was. My body knew it, I just needed to get my mind out of the way and let it do it. There's a big lesson there that I still have not learnt I think!

Our little Felix Pixie-boy turned seven and we partied for him.













We have been growing in other ways to. Sometimes the boys are interested, mostly not so much, but it's nice when they initiate, the sowing of seeds bit is always pretty fun to do. Even when they are not, it's going on and happening still so I think it's all good.

















We strung up the hammock and I want to glue myself in there. But I couldn't, still, five minutes here are there is heaven enough, like a the world is holding you, cradled for a few blessed moments.

This girl and the cat, honestly, it's very sweet to see. Although this cat sticks to us all constantly, even when we go for walks he follows a fair way.





Without the cat by her side she's still pretty cute. And sometimes cuteness is just enoughto get you through the day :)