today is a good day to

Every day, we dance a dance with death along side our every step. It's our inevitable, certain destiny (not that we like thinking about it much). How we get to it is the unpredictable bit. But all the same we can ask - is today a good day to die? Would it be? Meaning that if today was that final day would we have regrets? Have we been living the life we always wanted to? Are we? Right now? We could, right? Are we authentic and truthful with ourselves and our loves? Can we embrace the wholeness of this day and our bodies *exactly as they are* in whatever version of health/wholeness we choose to view from? I once read that luck was just a choice. Is it?

I am trying to throwing away the labels I have burdened myself with, identified myself even. They are not helpful. They cause me fear, regret, anxiety, heaviness. There is only ever today, and who I am right now. That I can cope with just fine. We can always cope with the present moment and what it brings, what it is. It's tomorrow or next year, the mind dwelling in that uncertain time gap (between the now and then) that we can't handle (who can? It's the utter unknown, the void...). I know people who say I am such and such and I have X disease and I think whoa! Slow down, how can you live with this as your identity? It's not true. You are not your disease, your illness. You are not even your body, not really, nor your thoughts or feelings. It's so unhelpful to identify with these as our true selves. They all come and go, the true us, *you*, has no formed definition. We get glimpses, in our joy of this true radiance that's our primitive, yet ultra evolved and higher selves... This is who we really are. The joy. It's as simple as joy. And as difficult to achieve when we are weighed down with our own self-given labels. How often do you think - I can't do that, I am not good at sewing... or I am so impatient with my kids, I am not good enough for them..... I wish I didn't have this illness, if I didn't I'd be the person I always wanted to be... bollocks. All of these unhelpful labels. You are who you are right this very second, right NOW. That is all. It's all you ever need to be, you are always the best version of yourself. You *can* be. Now, not tomorrow when you imagine you might have X and Y and everything will change for you. Who you were ten minutes ago when you felt pissed off is not *you* right now. Every second is a fresh slate. Every second you are reborn. If you let yourself be. We can all choose freedom. Everyone. Every single person. It's a mind state, not a state of being. Children have it, and it can be taken from them. They need, we all do as we grow, to cultivate it's presence in our soul. The freedom to be free. Every day teach your kids they are someone beautiful Or better still don't take away what they already have (hard yeah?). When you act from that place of moment-joy your thoughts and actions are transformed into joy. Moment to moment living. The only real time, the only time any of us ever have. Yesterday was a dream, gone as such dreams go. Tomorrow may never ever come. When death dances with us and we see it, embrace it and look at it hard and long and realise it's not the *worst* that could happen. It's as part of us now as breathing. We are not in control of it dancing to take us towards some new place (no matter how well we eat). We can hold it's hand, love what it brings us towards within ourselves and enjoy the ride.

Us women, daily run with the wolves. Having children takes you to a whole new place of fear and panic and anxiety, every direction. Promises to fuck everyone up, if you take the wrong route, or backtrack too many times. Don't be afraid to run with them. They don't bite. The running makes you faster and stronger, and when you look, every single one of us are dancing with the same wolves. And really they are ghostly shapes by your side, poke them and they turn to puffs of smoke.











They were my thoughts in bed last night and I still feel them today, only in the cold hard light of day they are lesser so. Real life infringes. But at breakfast The Beauty brought me her favourite game. We played, then she brought domino's, and we played, her with blueberries, me with tea. She and I played cards and I went to look for Max (could she cope with that?) looking for it I saw the beeswax sheet I had left out about three weeks ago (yep, I don't like going into the messy catch all room). So we made candles. The morning flowed and flowed like silk, with no effort, one of those rare things with multiple children around. And so gifts were made for people I had not yet thought what to give to. Doesn't everyone love a hand rolled beeswax candle? Use them, I urge people when we give them. Use them! Don't let them gather dust! there's no more wonderful a day than this one for celebrating. You, me, us.



I made a couple of skirts yesterday. This is Esmé wearing the smaller one, (couldn't get Felix to model his cousin's bigger one but he was keen to model his Star Wars effect, as shown above, complete with fierce face). Scandinavian looking Christmas blue skirts were my aim. It was very satisfying time spent, even if they were sewn in about five ten minute sessions with Lego all over my feet and a girl constantly trying (and trying me) by pressing the sew-backwards pedal. But they are done and I am mightily pleased with them. The print is a Swedish one, with no toxic dyes or anything, 100% cotton and from Fabric Rehab. The pattern is the super fast and easy and pretty Lazy Day Skirt. There is nothing hard about his pattern, use it once and you'll be hooked. Time pressed mama's with little girls (or big ones (I kinda want one but fear elasticated waists would only enhance mine - vain or what!) take heed - they are GOOD. In a simple simple easy way. The red ribbon I bought locally on a cute wheel roll and was within half an inch of running out. But it was a kind day and I did not. I didn't have any left to make Esmé one, and she really wants one, so looks like I will have to try and summon up another some how.