t'was several nights after christmas

... and the first quiet day after all of the Bigger Days of excitement. After our final Christmas guests left today, Isaac, flopped out so so tired, got cold (wrapped up in my scarf) and cried over a few things (like the tree, outside and without it's finery, used up and depleted). The splendid winter-white is replaced with the melted richer hues of brown and earth and moss. Reality and earth after the unrealness of magic-at-Christmas.



No Big Day photos at all. I just abandoned my camera and gave myself up to the flow of the days. They swallowed me whole but in a good way. Consumed and tired. I think next year will be one of pairing back, which we do every year but this one felt like The last One of its' sort. I don't want wrapping paper that neither cannot be recycled nor turns to tinfoil in the fire(!). Our tree will have roots and grow with our family. There will be both less and more. I know this in a kindly, easy way. It's not a guilt trip, it's just a gradual shift over these last years of family Christmas.



Which made my birthday, yesterday (31st) so relaxing and luxurious by comparison. It was totally lovely, unexpected and I didn't have to do anything (hardly) for anyone else (unreal!). Breakfast in bed made by Isaac, the keen chef; buckwheat pancakes with scrambled eggs and then some with blueberry jam. Cups of tea, hand made cards, thoughtful gifts and a long lie-in reading new books. My Man and I had a meal out last night at a very lovely place, we hardly *ever* go out, this was maybe the second or third time for us to be out alone in the last three years. So it's ultra special. I am always reminded of why I love him when we get to spend time alone. When there is only each other to luxuriate in, no little people to keep an eye over, conversation can actually go at it's own pace, winding this way and that without interruption (what a luxury in it's own right!). I forget how it is in adult company.... it's rather nice :) My dh surprised me with a beautiful new skirt and tights from White Stuff. I don't think he has ever bought me clothes before just for pleasure and I enjoyed seeing and wearing his selection. Don't think I would ever have picked them but they are so pretty (and the right size!). Christmas time my dh and I try to keep things so small with each other, a knitted item or books, on birthday's we let loose a bit more and aim to please each other.



So today was our first quiet day in nearly a week of cheer and feasting and visiting families. We all relaxed, watched a film, played some games. I tidied up and rearranged the furniture, finding spaces for new toys and games. A pause. We let a big Chinese lantern float up outside tonight in the dark. It was a nice way to collect ourselves together in our little family unit again. Esmé and Felix slid their hands into mine and we gazed heavenwards, making wishes and wondering what tomorrow will bring. For me I go and find out the results of my biopsy. Fingers crossed I can light another lantern tomorrow night and count my blessings all over again.





The Beauty made me laugh, overcome with the tiring burden of new toys she said she felt sad, stripped off naked and had me wrap her in my daily scarf (what is it with my scarf - all my kids want it when they don't feel good!), swaddled she popped on her daddy's freshly knitted hat and was ready to look suitably vulnerable, beautiful and sad. Honest, I am not some weirdo that takes photos of their kids' crying rather than comfort them - she was like this for so long she made us all laugh. Then I took us both off upstairs for a green Tinti tinted bath whereupon the usual smiles and baby-laughter prevailed.



~ Booby-Girl with the horrendous but much loved - non Christmas related Disco Doll ~